Short Early Blog

This is my vacation week.  I am going with my husband to visit some of his family in Seattle, WA.  We will be there for almost a week, including over the timeframe I normally use to write and post my weekly blog.  I have contemplated how to cover this week’s blog over the past few weeks as I also debated whether to take my laptop with me.  The final verdict on the laptop is no because I want some technology light, book heavy, relaxing time to be the mainstay of my vacation.  That meant I needed a contingency plan for how to post a blog for this week.

I originally thought I would write it early, so that all I needed to do on my phone is hit the publish button on the correct day.  That did not happen though because work demands ate up too much of my personal time and left me drained when I was not working.  Then, I thought maybe I would use my husband’s laptop to do it.  However, I have never really told him I post the blog and am not sure I am ready to share that with him yet.  Also, I cannot guarantee that I will get enough uninterrupted time on his laptop to write it anyway.  I did consider just posting a little footnote on the last blog saying I will not post next week, but I did not want to completely opt out.  So here I am writing and posting a short blog update on why this week was not quite the same.

How about you?  How do you like to vacation, with or without technology?  How do you cover personal commitments when the conditions are not perfect for doing them?

See you next week (for real)!

I Feel Old – Classic Rock Blues

I know in the grand scheme of things, I am not old.  At 33, I most likely have more years of life ahead of me than behind me.  However, there are certain things that really make me feel old.  These are usually things that either make me nostalgic for a prior period of my life or bring into focus just how many years have passed since something happened to me.  One of these triggers is hearing popular music from high school being classified as “classic”.

One of the radio stations I enjoy is a classic rock station.  When I define classic rock in my own head, I think of songs that would have already been classified as such when I was growing up.  So I think of Led Zeppelin, The Eagles, The Rolling Stones, AC/DC, The Beatles, Queen, and so on.  They include all the things that my parents listened to in the 70s and 80s, before I ever got into rock music myself.  I am even OK with classifying bands that were still fairly popular when I hit high school, but I recognize as having been around since that earlier time period.  The best example I have of this is Aerosmith, who started producing music in the 70s but were still putting out new music in the 90s.  They were well played among people my own age as well as my parents’ age group.

Lately though, I have started hearing more and more music playing on the station that is from bands that were most present in the music scene in the 90s.  It started with hearing Under the Bridge by Red Hot Chili Peppers.  This song was early 90s, but I was able to rationalize it away.  It was after all only one song, and it was by a band that had put out a couple albums prior to the 90s Blood Sugar Sex Magik that really exploded in popularity with my friends.  Since then, I have heard many, many songs that were put out during my school years by bands that are firmly placed in the 90s Alternative/Grunge Rock scene.  It is now common for me to hear songs by Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, and Nirvana, among others.  I can no longer rationalize it away as a single song or band that has made its way onto the classic rock station.

The final straw came just a few weeks ago though, when I heard Tomorrow from Silverchair played on the station.  Now, I have to reconcile myself to the fact that my favorite band ever now qualifies as classic rock.  Not only is this band firmly entrenched in the 90s music scene, but the band members are my age.  At least the other 90s bands are comprised of people who are a bit older than me.  Those musicians were all adults when they were producing the music and therefore old enough to be classic rock musicians.  Silverchair put out their first album, Frogstomp, in 1995 when the boys were 16.  I was 13.  If they are old enough to be classified as classic rock musicians, then I am old enough to be a classic rock listener.

I know that the math of the situation works out equally.  If bands from the 70s and 80s were classified as classic rock in the 90s when they had been around for approximately 15-20 years, then it only makes sense that 90s rock would be classified as classic rock now 15-20 years later.  It just does not make it any easier to swallow that the music I grew up with and love is now considered old by the current youngsters rocking away in high school.  I just hope that I do not hear anything on the classic rock station any time soon that I am certain came out once I was firmly in the adult era of my life.

What about you?  Does music affect you this way?  What makes you feel old?

See you next week!

While the Husband’s Away, the Wife Will Play

I know I just made the title very exciting, but the reality really is not as fun as the headline implies.  My husband is away for the week on a business trip.  This is the second one in a month, and it seems likely he will be going on another next month.  He does not actually travel that much for work, but I usually get three or four weeks a year to myself.  So what does a wife do when she is all on her own?  No, I am not having wild parties and passionate affairs, but I do the things that I cannot enjoy (at least not as much) when he is around.

First, I love having more time to myself in the mornings and evenings.  Although I love my husband, he seems to eat up large chunks of my time.  Some of this is used just being with him, often doing things I would not do on my own.  I watch TV shows that I would not normally watch, I talk about politics way more than I want, I let him lecture me on scientific theories I do not understand, I go to shows that do not interest me, and I visit with friends, some of whom I do not like that much, just so he will be happy.  I am not complaining about these things really, because I love him and I want to make him happy.  But without him here, I do not have to put any time into them at all and this frees up hours of evening space.  The other chunk of time comes from not having to do the little things that pop up because of him.  I only have to make one lunch in the morning instead of two.  I can get up a little later because I do not have to maneuver my bathroom time around his morning routine.  I can microwave a dinner without feeling as if I am cheating him out of a full meal.  I create half the dishes, so I do not have to do them as often.  I am free to fill my time with things that make me happy, like reading quietly for hours or watching Law & Order marathons.

Second, I am enjoying blissful quiet.  My husband has ADHD and seems to crave chaos all around him all the time.  I, on the other hand, enjoy moments of quiet solitude without the need for all that noise.  In fact, I often feel overstimulated and overwhelmed by the volume he creates in our house.  I do not like to have music playing all the time.  I do not need to have video games emitting explosions and fighting noises to feel entertained.  I never turn on the TV the moment I walk through the door just to have it playing in the background.  In fact it has only been on for 45 minutes while I watched one Law & Order episode since he has been gone.  Right now, I am sitting in the kitchen listening to the white noise of the air conditioner and the song of the night playing outside my window.  I can think better, can be more creative, and can produce more work when I am not fighting with a dozen things competing for my attention.

Third, I am enjoying a change in diet.  I almost always change my diet when he goes away, but I do not always change it in the same way.  Sometimes, I feel the pleasure of just stocking up on microwavable things that do not require any effort.  Those kind of simple meals are perfectly acceptable to me, but are not big enough to satisfy him.  He is a meat and potatoes type of person, while I am happy as a chicken patty person.  Sometimes, I eat things that he does not like.  I can order pizza with tons of veggies and no meat if I want it.  I can eat mac & cheese and tuna out of a can without any comments about the smell.  I can make beef stroganoff which he told me to never make him, practically on our first date.  Sometimes I pig out in an epic manor.  I eat things that are very unhealthy and in much bigger quantities than I really should.  However, no one is here to see me do it and so I do not have to feel ashamed about the gluttony.  Plus, I do not have to share which makes it all the more tempting.  I hate it when I bring home a delicious something only to feel like I did not get my fill because he has eaten it all before I could.  This time has been mostly of third variety.  I have had almost all take out and in way larger quantities than I normally allow myself to indulge (that bathroom scale is not my friend this week).

Finally, I love having the bed all to myself at night.  It usually takes me a day or so to adjust to him not being in the house.  Although I have experience being on my own, I am so used to him being here that I am not really adapted to the noises of the house settling around us and the neighbors on either side.  So I get a little jumpy by the unfamiliar bumps and creaks, especially at night when I am just drifting off to sleep.  Once I get used to it though, I love having the room all to myself.  I can sprawl out on the bed in any fashion I want without bumping into him.  I can have as many or as few blankets on the bed as I want.  I can open the window to let in the cool night air.  No one tries to hug me or hold on to me while I am sleeping.  No one wakes me up in the middle of the night by making trips to the bathroom.  No one plays Youtube videos all night because they need noise to sleep.  No one snores!  I sleep much better when he is not here (after the first night or two anyway).  So much so, that I often think about having separate bedrooms on a permanent basis, but so far I have not been brave enough to make the request.

There they are, my reasons for loving his business trips.  I do miss him being here, and I do not want him to go away permanently.  I will be ready for him to return at the end of this week.  For now though, I will enjoy my week off from married life.  While my husband is out, I do indeed play.  It might not be as exciting as what some other women might do with their freedom, but I enjoy every minute of it.

See you next week!

Ugh! Self-Evaluations

I just reached my sixth anniversary with the company that currently employs me.  Every year on my anniversary, I get a Happy Anniversary card from the human resources department and a review from my boss.  The review process starts with a self-evaluation form that I must complete, but which I absolutely hate doing.  The rest of the review does not really bother me much.  I can handle reading the critique my boss completes, and I really do not mind sitting through the meeting where we go over it all.  I am good at my job, my boss really likes me, and communication is fairly open between us.  Therefore, I am rarely surprised by anything that comes up in the review process in terms of my current performance.  The self-evaluation portion of the review though fills me with anxiety.   It involves three simple sections to fill out, but they still fill me with dread every year.

The first section is a straight-forward list of my tasks and responsibilities.  I have my job description and a department task list that I can use to help me complete this section.  Plus, I am familiar with what I do on a day to day basis at work.  So this section is usually not that bad.  This year it caused me more stress than normal, because this is the first time I have done an evaluation since being promoted to the accounting supervisor position almost a year ago.  The past four years have mostly been a copy and paste process from the prior year with maybe a few updates to reflect changes in responsibility around the department.  This year, I have a few tasks that I am still doing from my old job because they have not been transitioned yet, but the rest is all new.  I do know which journal entries and reconciliations I am reviewing on a regular basis, so that was easy enough.  However, I was a little stressed out about what management responsibilities I should be including in this section.  I really do not feel like I do a good job at the supervision portion of the position, and I am a little lost sometimes on the boundaries between my responsibilities and my boss’ responsibilities.  I am worried that I either missed something big that they think I should be doing or that I came across as too arrogant about what my role actually entails.

The second section is my list of significant accomplishments for the year.  This is my least favorite section to fill out.  No matter what I put in here, it always seems sparse.  I go to work every day and I do my job to the best of my ability, which I think is a pretty good accomplishment.  However, I do not really work on big projects or unusual assignments.  I am an accountant.  We have a list of routine tasks that we do each month and each quarter, and it does not really change much.  I have been relying on my MBA program to provide some bulk to this section for the last two years.  This year I had the promotion from last fall to include.  Most years, I feel like I include a couple random trainings I took during the year and a couple new reconciliations I learned how to do.  The list always seems so pathetic once I have completed it.  I worry they are going to be disappointed when they see how little I have accomplished during the year.

The final section is a list of goals, broken out into short-term and long-term.  Most of the time, I feel like this section is practically fiction.  I have an idea of the career path they expect from me within the company, and so I cater my goals to make it look like I am on that path.  I also include vague goals like “continue to strengthen my accounting knowledge and leadership skills to grow professionally in the future”.  This year was actually better than most on the short-term section because I do have some ideas about how to improve some of the department tasks that my staff completes and some things I should learn in order to take on some responsibilities that my boss currently does while I am learning my new role.  The long-term section was still vague and somewhat fictional though.  I kept the generic “continue to strengthen my accounting knowledge and leadership skills to grow professionally in the future” items that have been on there for six years.  I also added some that make it look like I intend to get my CPA (Certified Public Accountant) license and continue on a management path.  Truthfully, I do not want to move up in management at my current company because none of my bosses have jobs that seem like they are worth the stress that come with them.  I also am not sure that I want the type of job where I really need a CPA license.  I feel like I cannot say this though, because the department has expectations of what its supervisors and managers will do.  Plus, I do not want the lectures about wasting my potential and sabotaging my career if I do not get my license or continue on the management path.

Right or wrong, good or bad, I filled out the sections and sent it to my boss yesterday.  Now I have to wait for her to do her section, and then for it to go through the channels of review (at least two more levels of management and human resources have to sign off on it).  Eventually, I will have a meeting with her to go over it all.  I guess we will see if what I wrote is in line with what they expect from me.

What about you?  Do you have to do self-evaluations?  Do you like them?  Do you see them as open communication tools to further your careers?  Or do you feel the same pressure I do to fill them out according to the company’s plan and not your own plan for the future?

See you next week!

TV Binging

In general, I try not to watch a lot of TV.  I just do not have the time in my schedule to watch for hours, especially if I want to get a full night’s sleep.  Plus, it is too easy to get hooked on shows that are stupid and not worth the time being used.  I do not watch regularly programmed TV anymore, because I cannot keep to a specific schedule with the unpredictability of my work and family life.  And I made myself stop watching the vast majority of TV shows available on Netflix streaming because it was too easy to be sucked into a vortex of endless watching with the automatic play feature.  So this leaves me with getting past seasons of TV shows on DVD which means I am always behind the rest of the planet but happily only watching in short spurts every week or so.

Occasionally though, I make an exception to the no streaming rule.  For instance, when I am stuck home sick or I am completely brain-fried from work, I sometimes just want to do nothing.  Then, I find myself pulling up TV shows on Netflix and watching for hours.  This has been one of those weeks.  The chaos of work and home life has been marginally better, and that is why I have the time needed to write this week's blog, but it has been hard to motivate myself to do much else.  I am still tired and rather cranky from dealing with everything.  So for the past week, I have come home, turned on the TV, pulled up Netflix, and binge-watched my favorite shows.

My favorite types of show to watch when I am in a cranky mood are procedure crime dramas.  Of course, my selection is limited to what is currently available on streaming, but here are some of the ones I like the most.

-  Criminal Minds – I am fascinated by the psychology behind why bad guys do the things they do.  Of course, some of them are simply evil, but I am more interested in the ones that have a sympathetic background.  While I cannot imagine committing these horrible crimes, when I see stories where I can understand how they got to the killing point, it makes me wonder what, if anything, could drive me there too.  Plus I love the characters on this show, and how personal they have gotten with them over the years without making it seem too hard to keep up with everything.  My favorite character is Dr. Spender Reid because I love his awkwardness and nerdiness.

-  NCIS – This used to be my favorite show, but it has fallen to second place.  Again I am drawn to the full-bodied characters and great interaction between them as much as the smoothness of the show itself.  I am a big fan of both Timothy McGee and Abby Sciuto.  I like him because of the nerdy cuteness (yes there is a pattern), and her because I admire her and wish I was more like her.  I also am a fan of them together and am disappointed that the show does not play with that storyline more.  The reason this one has fallen from the top spot is because it has turned too far into the anti-terrorism storylines.  I want my procedural dramas to be contained in one episode and not require me to put a lot of work into keeping track of threads.  I do not mind a two-parter or a story that builds over a few episodes occasionally, but NCIS has gotten to the point where I am constantly referring back to old episodes to figure out what is going on in the current one.

-  Law and Order – I know this one is no longer on TV, but I am still watching old episodes on Netflix whenever they are available.  I like the fact that these are self-contained, mostly straight-forward murder cases.  I also find it a hoot to watch the older episodes and see how much the show changed and yet still stayed the same over the twenty years it was on TV.

-  Law and Order: SVU – I know most people think this is better than the original, and sometimes I agree with that.  However, most of the time I find the other one easier to watch and that is why I often prefer it.  One reason I find it less entertaining is the painful character arcs.  There was a stretch of time where watching Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler get more and more out of control was ruining the enjoyment of the show for me.  I am happy to say that the cast change-up starting in season 13 has breathed new life into this show and I am enjoying it much more that I was.  The other reason this one is less enjoyable is because some of the episodes are too likely to happen to someone like me.  If there are too many in close sequence where I can identify with the victim, then I get freaked out.

-  Psych – This one is a comedy rather than a drama, and so sometimes it is not a good fit for my mood.  Also, this is one of the shows I watch with my husband so I cannot pick it if he is not going to watch with me.  This show is great for silly entertainment.  It still has a crime to solve, but nothing is done to regulation or expectation.  Shawn and Gus get into trouble as often as they help out.  I am almost guaranteed to be laughing out loud whenever I watch it.  My favorite scene of all time is the Blueberry Speedbump scene (go check it out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7i0A5xCl0U).

What about you?  Do you binge watch TV when in a foul mood?  What shows are your favorites to gravitate toward when you just need a few hours of mindless entertainment?

Well, I am off to watch some Law and Order:  SVU.  I mean go to bed (watch SVU).  See you next week!

Not a Real Blog – That’s Life

Although my goal is to write a blog a week, sometimes things just will not work out.  That’s life.  The past three weeks have been very rough.  It is quarter close at work, and a rocky one due to changes in the department.  My father-in-law’s illness has continued to take a toll on my family at home.  The past two weeks, I have managed to eke out a few hours to write the blog.  This week though, it just is not going to happen.  I have run out of the time and the brain power needed to put together my thoughts on any topic.  These few sentences of explanation will have to suffice.  I have high hopes that next week will be better workwise, and that should mean we are back on schedule for a blog next Wednesday.

See you next week!

Feeling Helpless – Loved Ones Dealing with Sick Relatives

I feel so helpless when people I care about are dealing with painful situations and I can do nothing to help them through it.  It has been a rough week.  I have had two loved ones dealing with relatives in the hospital.

My father-in-law has been in the hospital for over a week.  His heart was failing and not pumping the way it should, which caused fluid to back up into his lungs, which caused him trouble breathing, which caused an oxygen shortage to his brain, which caused a very sick and confused person.  They got the fluid drained out of his lungs and installed an implantable cardioverter defibrillator.  He was released but ended up in the emergency room not even two days later.  Now he has blood clots in his legs and his lungs.  They performed surgery to clear those out.  He will be there for another week and possibly longer.  Prognosis is not great.  My father-in-law has not taken care of himself over the years, and his body is not strong enough to fight effectively.  The doctor has supposedly said (all third hand information through my husband) that if my father-in-law quits every vice and follows every instruction to the letter, he is still probably only looking at a couple of years.  It is more likely that he will throw those instructions out the window as soon as he is strong enough to do it though, so we are looking at an unpredictable route of complications that will likely end in death sooner rather than later.

My husband is not handling this whole situation well at all.  He does not have a good relationship with his family.  The strongest tie is to his father, with a neutral stance on his sister and a volatile bond with his mother and brother.  So now, he is sad that his father is dying.  He is angry that his father has done so much to destroy himself.  He is even angrier at his mother and brother who are completely dependent on his father, and in his view have caused his father more work than necessary to support them.  He is afraid of what is going to happen to them when/if his father dies, and he feels guilty that he does not want to help them in that situation.  My husband deals with this by alternating between bottling emotions up inside to pretend that nothing is bothering him and lashing out in yelling, crying fits about how awful and unfair everything is.  I feel completely helpless to help him out with any of it.  All his emotions are reasonable.  I do not have a much of a relationship with his family, but a big part of that is because they are so completely dysfunctional.  It is unhealthy to be around them and their drama.  Now he is forced to deal with it in an unpleasant way and with very little predictability about what will happen next.  He will not talk to me at all half the time and he scares me with crazy raving the other half.  I also have no practical advice.  There is no way to make his father behave.  We are probably going to have a weird and difficult time figuring out how to deal with his mother and brother when his father dies, regardless of whether it is tomorrow or five years from now.

On top of that situation, one of my best friends’ mother has also had a recent hospital stay.  I have gotten very few details from her though, so I do not at this moment what the status is.  A week ago her mother was in the hospital for a few days with severe anemia.  They gave her more blood and started her on iron supplements.  However, they could not figure out what went wrong to cause her blood count to drop so low in the first place.  The last I heard was that she was being released to go home.  I have reached out to my friend a few times to get an update since then, but she has not replied.  She could just be really busy, but I worry that there have been additional problems with her mother.  I live several hours away, and I feel completely unable to offer her any kind of help.  Given the situation with my husband’s family, I cannot go up there to check on her, visit her mother (who is a wonderful woman who always treated me like part of the family), or offer any kind of assistance to her.  Plus, there is always the possibility that I am overreacting and everything is fine with her mother recovering nicely at home.

I know that many people feel helpless when the people they care about are experiencing pain.  There are often situations where there just is not much anyone can do to ease the burden.  I know that my husband and my friend both know that I am here to listen and lend support to the best of my ability.  I just cannot help but feel that I should be doing more for both of them.

What about you?  Do any of you have any sage advice on how to get through these situations and how to help my loved ones out?

See you next week!