I Can’t Go Home Again

Do you know the saying “You can’t go home”?  I do not know who said it, how it was used in context, or even if I am quoting it correctly, but every time I go back to Pennsylvania to visit my family I think of it.  I went home to visit my family this weekend.  My little sister is turning 30 at the end of this month, and she requested my attendance.  So I made the arrangements to spend time with her and the rest of my family.  I was looking forward to this trip, but as usual I was ready to go back to Virginia after just two days.

The issues start with the sleep logistics.  I need to sleep somewhere, and it is always uncomfortable no matter what option I chose.  When my husband goes, we stay at a hotel.  This is my preference, but I know my family is always perturbed that we would spend the money when there are so many beds available for us to use.  I let my husband be the excuse, saying he does not like relying on the hospitality of family he really does not know that well.  When I am by myself though, I feel incapable of staying in a hotel.  The best option was always to stay at my sister’s apartment.  My mom did not seem to begrudge my staying with my sister, and my sister did not seem to begrudge my coming and going as I pleased.  This is no longer an option, because she has recently moved in with her fiance and his grandparents, which is a bit of an awkward arrangement to me.  Most of the time, I stay at my parents’ house.  I dislike this option though for two reasons.  One, their house is filthy and even a couple of days have me sniffling and coughing from the dust.  Two, I sleep on a futon in the living room where I need to wait for my mother (a night owl) to go to bed and where I am often woken up early by my dad (a morning person) so I end up with little sleep.  This last visit, I chose to stay with my maternal grandmother which I have never done before.  It went all right, but I am not sure how often I can do this.  I could tell my mother was disappointed that I was not at her house.  I also felt a little restricted in what I could do while I was there since I needed to be home before grandma went to bed.  Plus, I felt a little awkward making plans with other people when she was so excited to visit with me.

The problems continue with planning who to see, where to go, and what to do while I am there.  I usually am planning a trip around some event (a holiday, a family party, a show, etc.), so that is one easy thing to plan.  The rest though ends up being chaos, where I feel like I never do what I want and I have disappointed everyone around me.  My mother usually takes charge of my visits while I am there.  She arranges dinners with family, get-togethers at grandma’s house, and visiting time with her.  Most of the family arrangements center on her side of the family.  My dad’s side of the family is smaller and less well known to me.  However, I do have a relationship with my grandmother, and I often feel she does not get nearly the amount of visit time with me that the grandmother on my mother’s side does.  This makes me feel guilty.  If my husband comes we often want to do some touristy trip to Pittsburgh so he can see some of where I grew up.  It can be hard to find a chunk of available time big enough to fit these activities.  Also, there is often the desire of family members wanting to accompany us, and sometimes we would just like to have some time to ourselves.  Finally, I have completely given up trying to visit friends in the same trip as family.  I used to try to accommodate everyone, but the hurt feelings of my family became too much for me to handle.  So now, I plan completely separate trips to see my closest friends from college, and I do not tell my family that I am in the state.  I have let many other friendships dwindle to nothing, because I just do not have the time to see them when I go home.

Finally, I have to face the issues with my family that made me want to move in the first place.  My relationship with my immediate family has been rocky since I was an adolescent.  I am a daddy’s girl and still have a good relationship with him.  He is usually very flexible with working with what I want in my life and in my visits home.  My sister and I had a terrible relationship while we grew up.  She had some issues with anxiety, depression, and behavior control that made her very hard to be around.  She was very angry all the time, especially at me.  She is much better now.  We usually have a good time together as adults, but occasionally I can see the anger and meanness peeking through her personality.  It is often directed at other people now, but that still does not make it easy to handle.  My mother is my biggest issue when I go home.  I feel like I am constantly restraining myself from arguing with her.  She has very specific ideas of what I should be like and how daughters are supposed to behave in her family.  Who I am and what I want seems to escape her even after all these years.  Additionally, there are some unresolved issues from growing up that occasionally surface in discussions with her and other family members.  If I try to address any disagreements with her directly, she becomes very defensive and very emotional.  I end up feeling guilty that I have hurt her feelings.  Therefore, I try to swallow my opinions and feelings so we can just get through the visit on a pleasant note.  Other family members seem to think I am too harsh with her and should be a more loving daughter, so I end up being defensive about feeling the way that I do.  It is tiring for me to suppress myself constantly while home, and so I am usually soon ready to run away from it all again.

Maybe in the future, I will learn skills to better cope with my family.  However, right now the solution I have is to not live near them and to limit my visits with them.  Sometimes, I feel sad and angry that I cannot return home permanently any time soon, if ever.  However, I think I am a better, healthier person removing myself from all the drama that surrounds going home again.  So the saying is true, at least for now, “you can’t go home”.

How about you?  Can you relate, or do you find it easy to go home?  See you next week!

Ballet Subscription: Should I Renew?

I have just received the renewal form in the mail for a ballet subscription to the Kennedy Center 2015-2016 season.  I also just saw the last ballet in the 2014-2015 season for which I had subscription tickets.  So now the question is should I renew?

I purchased the 2014-2015 subscription as a reward to myself for completing my MBA program last summer.  I have always loved to dance and to watch others dance.  I have seen many ballets performed by many companies over the years.  I have seen several ballets at the Kennedy Center over the last decade.  It seemed the perfect reward for all the hard work that I had done over the prior two years.  So I purchased two tickets to each performance with the intent of using the second to lure friends and family to come visit me in Virginia.

I actually really enjoy the Kennedy Center as a venue for the ballet.  It is easy to get to via metro and a short walk or a short shuttle bus ride, so I do not have to worry about driving and parking in the city.  There are a number of restaurants in the area, including two actually at the Kennedy Center, to enjoy before or after the performance.  There are almost always matinee performances so I do not have to make it a late night.  The Opera House, which is where ballets are normally performed, is spacious with decently comfortable seats, enough leg room, and good visibility of the stage (at least compared to some theaters I have visited).

The 2014-2015 season of ballets was very enjoyable.  Here is a very brief review of the ballets in the season and my experience of each.

- The Suzanne Farrell Ballet – Mixed Repertoire Program – I saw this one with my husband because I could not find anyone else available that weekend.  I enjoyed the one act performance of Swan Lake, and I loved The Concert which is a very funny performance.  I did not enjoy the couple of short pieces done to Stravinsky because I do not care much for the discordant dances forced by his music.

- Ballet West – The Nutcracker – I saw this one with my husband also.  This was his original choice when I offered him up his pick of performances.  Ballet West’s version was a bit more humorous than others, but overall not my favorite rendition of the holiday classic.

- Mariinsky Ballet – Mixed Repertoire Program – My best friend from college came down to see this one with me.  This was definitely one of my favorite performances.  The highlights of the program were Le Spectre de la Rose which is dreamy and romantic, and Paquita Grand Pas which is an amazing display of ballet technique.  Mariinsky is one of the most talented companies I have ever seen perform.  Their performances here were breathtaking, especially during the Paquita Grand Pas.

- American Ballet Theatre (ABT) – Cinderella – I took my sister to this one.  It is a humorous variation of the fairy tale we all know and love.  I very much enjoyed it.  I have always had a soft spot for ABT due to their spotlight in Center Stage (a teen movie I adored in my college years) although I think most of the movie cast who were actual ABT members are no longer with the company.

- New York City Ballet – Mixed Repertoire Program – I was accompanied to this one by my cousin, a fellow ballet lover and subscription holder for The Pennsylvania Ballet Company.  We saw the 20^th Century Classics program which included Serenade, Agon, and Symphony in C.  Serenade was my favorite because the dancing was very emotional, and the costumes were designed to carry the movement of the piece.  Agon was my least favorite because it is again set to a Stravinsky piece.

- Scottish Ballet – A Streetcar Named Desire – I went to this one on my own because I could not find anyone to go with me.  Of all the ballets on the program, I was the most excited to see this one.  It did not disappoint.  It was based on the play by Tennessee Williams.  They did an incredible job of telling the story and showing the emotions experienced by the characters throughout.  However, I was familiar with the story beforehand, and I think this probably was helpful in following the sequence of events.

- The Royal Ballet – Don Quixote – I also went to the final ballet of the season alone because no one would accompany me.  This was probably my favorite piece of the season.  I prefer full-length ballets over the mixed repertoire programs.  Don Quixote is a fun one to see because of the humor in the story that does not require familiarity with the book to follow.  The Royal Ballet Company was fantastic in their performance.  The male lead for Basilio during the Saturday matinee performance was a phenomenal dancer.  The company also nailed the comedic aspect of the ballet, with the performance of Gamache the highlight of the show.

I obviously had a great time seeing the ballets this past season.  So why would I not renew my subscription?  The flyer for the 2015-2016 season has been sitting on my table for several weeks now, tempting me with the promise of wonderful performances that I would really like to see.  There are three main reasons why I am considering passing on the renewal of the subscription.  The first is that it was very difficult to find someone to go with me to each of the performances.  I had three that I could not find anyone willing and available to go, and my husband would only fill one of those (apparently I have a two ballet per year limit with him).  Second, it limits my ability to see other performances during the year.  It was not cheap to buy a subscription package, and I really felt unable to consider very many other types of entertainment for the year.  Finally, I really felt the impact of all the time required to see every ballet in the season.  I had a ballet almost every month during the season, some of which required several additional days of entertaining my various guests during the scheduled weekend.   With all the other commitments in my life, I felt like it added to a busyness that wore me down by the end of the season.

So am I going to renew my subscription to the ballet?  No.  Instead, I am going to pick the pieces that intrigue me the most from the new schedule (The National Ballet of Canada – The Winter’s Tale, Mariinsky Ballet – Raymonda, and Royal Swedish Ballet – Juliet and Romeo), offer them out to the friends that I think are actually interested in going to a performance, and only purchasing the tickets needed for a given performance.

I love the ballet.  I look forward to going to the 2015-2016 season, albeit on a smaller scale.  See you next week!

Going Solo to Festivals

Do you prefer to go to festivals with family and friends or on your own?  If you had asked me a few years ago, I would definitely have said with my friends and family.  It was part of the tradition.  I had certain people that I went to each one with and looked forward to them every year.  Now, I honestly prefer to go to them alone.  I have fewer friends and family to choose from down here in Virginia, so over the last decade I have gotten into the habit of going on my own when no one is around to go with me.  Now I find myself actually preferring to go on my own.  I have complete control over when I go, how long I stay, and what I do while I am there.

Two weekends ago, I went to the Herndon Festival (each of the three days I went) on my own.  Each day, I decided when I wanted to go (afternoon, evening, or both).  When I got there, I headed directly for food every time because that is the most important part to me.  Once my hunger was satisfied, I went about entertaining myself according to my personal tastes.  Thursday, I chose the dueling piano act because I remembered how much fun I had at Bobby McKey’s (www.bobbymckeys.com) last year.  Saturday, I chose Teaze because I grew up on a classic rock station and figured I would be able to sing along with most of the music (I was right!).  I also stayed for fireworks with no one there to complain about beating the crowd.  Sunday, I went early so I could browse all the vendor stands before they started to pack up for the day.  If I would have picked something I did not like, then I would have just moved on to the next thing.  Everything was to my own preferences, and no one was around to complain to me about any of it.

Last weekend, I went to Celebrate Fairfax with my husband and another couple.  First, we went later than I probably would have gone on my own.  I proposed the later starting time, but mostly this was because I knew my husband would not want to get there much before the main headliner.  When we got there, I asked to find food first.  He drug me to the first food area on the map, would not give me time to think about my options before picking the vendor we were closest to, and then complained about the lack of choices.  From there, we immediately went to sit down with our friends in the main stage area to hear the headliners for the night, Three Doors Down, instead of exploring anything else at the festival first.  I was super excited to see Three Doors Down, and I thought they put on a good show despite some sound equipment issues.  However, I later listened to my husband and his friend complain about how poor a performance Three Doors Down gave, and how they must have just showed up for their paycheck and were not there to have fun (blah, blah, blah).  Right after the show, we watched the fireworks, which were awesome of course.  At this point, I was ready to go home.  Unfortunately, the late act was an AC/DC cover band called Thunderstruck that my husband decided we were going to watch in its entirety.  Thunderstruck actually turned out to be a lot of fun, but I still would not have stayed until eleven to see their whole set.  It was not that I had a bad time at Celebrate Fairfax with my husband and our friends.  I actually had an enjoyable evening.  I just did not have an outing that was catered to my tastes.

Of course every instance is different.  Sometimes I have a really incredible time with my friends and/or family.  Other times I do not have much fun at all with them.  On average though, I feel like I have a better time going to my summer festivals and programs on my own.  Maybe I am just becoming a selfish person.  Maybe I am just not choosing my festival companions thoughtfully enough.  Maybe I need to be more assertive about what I want from the experience.  Regardless, I will try to go to as many of them as I can on my own this year.

If you see me at a festival this summer though, still stop to say hi.  Just because I like to go on my own, does not mean I am not open to meeting new friends there.  See you next week!

Herndon Festival 2015

One of my favorite things to do during the summer is to go to outdoor festivals, fairs, and local celebrations.  I have many fond memories of the ones I grew up with in Pennsylvania.  In Virginia, I go to them less often, but there is one that I have attended nearly every year that I have lived here and that is Herndon Festival.

Herndon Festival runs for four days over the last weekend in May each year.  It is operational Thursday in the evening, Friday in the evening, all day Saturday, and Sunday afternoon.  The best part is that much of it can be enjoyed for free.  There is no entrance fee.  There is free parking at two offsite locations with shuttle bus rides provided to the festival grounds.  All of the on-stage entertainment and fireworks can be watched for free.  You do have to pay for carnival rides, food, and wares of the various vendors.  Window shopping however is always free.

This past weekend was the 2015 Herndon Festival.  I made it three of the four days.  I have yet to make it to all four days, but I will keep trying.  Here are some of my highlights from this weekend.

Arts and Crafts:  I enjoy going around to all the stalls to look at the goods available for sale.  There is a lot of variety, and everyone can find something they would enjoy.  There is artwork, jewelry, clothing, bath products, candles, children’s toys, pet treats, garden paraphernalia, food products, etc.  I am much more of a viewer than a purchaser, but this year I did actually buy some small items.  I got some citrus scented lotion, some herbal skin balm remedies (respiratory, focus, and calm), and some dips to eat.

Entertainment:  The free entertainment is one of my favorite parts of the festival.  In the past they have had some fairly well-known groups play at the festival, such as Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Josh Kelley, The Smithereens, and Fastball.  This year I did not recognize any of the acts by name, but I still enjoyed them.  Thursday I saw a local rap artist called JDVBBS and an act called Cutting Edge Dueling Pianos.  I really loved the dueling pianos which was very interactive and accepted crowd requests.  Saturday I saw an 80s hair band cover group called Teaze.  This band was great fun with hits everyone in the crowd could sing and witty banter in between numbers.

Fireworks:  I love fireworks.  I have liked them ever since I was a little girl.  I am not a fan of setting them off myself or being near amateur pyros playing with them either.  However, a good professional program done from a safe distance puts a smile on my face every time.  The ones on Saturday evening lived up to my expectations with a good twenty minutes done to a medley of radio hits.

Food:  The best part of the festival is all the fair food.  If all I have time for is a few minutes to grab some food, I would count it as a festival well spent.  I indulged in some food every day that I was there.  I had hot sausage, pulled pork, empanadas, and ice tea.  I try different vendors each time I go there, but a consistent favorite of mine is Jimmy’s Old Town Tavern which is local restaurant that can be enjoyed throughout the year.

There is also a carnival, a 10K/5K race, a business expo, and a kids’ alley available.  I do not really explore these areas much, but the crowds indicate these are popular as well.  The festival is located in Historic Downtown Herndon and so there is easy access to many permanent community offerings as well (stores, restaurants, municipal building, train depot, library).  Plus who can beat several hours enjoying good weather (hopefully) and the company of friends.

I hope to see you all there next year for all four days.  See you next week!