Straight Talk to the Snowflakes Out There

Millennials have a bad reputation for being whiny little “snowflakes”.  As a millennial myself, albeit on the oldest end of that group, I find this rather offensive.  And yet, I cannot disagree that to some extent we seem to have earned this reputation.  I hear from various corners of my life all the whining about how unfair life is and how if “X” would just happen everything would magically fix itself.  What I do not hear is people taking responsibility for their own success.

I do very much consider myself to be a success.  Am I the richest person, or the most famous, or the most talented?  Of course not, but I am very proud of what I have managed to do for myself.  Let me tell you a bit about my success story.  First, here is some background on my upbringing.  My dad is a high school graduate, no college education, unskilled blue collar worker.  My mother is a high school graduate, no college education, low pay administrative worker.  They made enough to pay their bills (or at least they would have if they had been better at financial management), but not much more.  I lived in a low income dying former steel city and graduated from its very poorly rated public school system.  I understand that there are many people starting from a much worse place, but my point is there was no silver spoon in my mouth.  Now where am I?  I have a Bachelor of Arts in Accounting and a Master of Business Administration.  At 34, I have so far had a great career where I have been promoted several times to the Accounting Supervisor role I now occupy.  I have several future career paths available to pursue as I desire.  I make much more than parents have ever done, and it is more than enough money to cover all my bills, save for retirement, save for emergencies, and have fun.  I may not be buying my own jet any time soon, but I can certainly relax, do what I want within reason, and not have to worry about anything.

My whole point is that life might not be fair.  Not everyone gets a million dollars at 18 to try to invent themselves.  This should not stop anyone from being successful though.  I made my own success by doing what was necessary to get myself there.  I took responsibility for my future, and because of that, I am able to reap the rewards.  Here are some truths that you have to recognize if you want to be like me and be successful in life.

Be realistic about your starting point.  It is necessary to acknowledge your starting point.  You have to be clear about where you are right now, where you want to go in life, and what you have to do to get there.  For example, I mentioned that I went to a terrible school.  I knew I did not want to stay in that town though, trapped in poverty and no opportunity.  I buckled down, learned what I could from the teachers who cared, got good grades, and did well on college placement exams, so I could get academic scholarships to go to college.  Wherever you are in life be honest.  What do you need to do better?  A GED?  AA Meetings?  Management training?  An attitude adjustment?  Now go make it happen.

Be honest about your abilities.  We have a whole bunch of special snowflakes out there who think they are the next best thing just waiting to be discovered.  But truthfully, are you really good enough to get that?  No matter how much we want to be, most of us are not going to be Carrie Underwood and become a multimillion dollar country star after a season of American Idol.  No matter how much we want to be, most of us are not going to be Mark Zuckerberg or Sidney Crosby or J.K. Rowling.  I wanted to be a ballerina, but honestly I am not flexible, I get dizzy when spinning too much, and quite frankly my boobs are too big to ever be a ballerina.  So be honest with yourself.  If you honestly think you have what it takes to be a superstar, then by all means find a way to get yourself in the spotlight.  If you do not though, it is much better to pick a solid, achievable Plan B for life and regulate the passion to hobby status.

Make tough choices about your priorities.  Sometimes you have to make choices in order to achieve what you want.  Few of us are lucky enough to have all of the options available to us whenever we want them.  Most of us have to determine where we want to spend our time and money in order to reach our ultimate goals.  I wanted to leave my horrible first job and move somewhere other than western PA.  I started saving my money with fervor so I could afford the transition to a new area.  I did not go out with my friends all the time.  I did not buy a lot of clothes, makeup, movie tickets, etc.  I did not do much traveling.  I knew that I needed to give myself the financial cushion to be able to make the leap I wanted to make comfortably.  What do you want to achieve?  What do you need to get there?  When you are faced with choices, think long term?  What is the best thing to do with your time and money now to get where you want to go?

Understand the concept of stepping stones.  It would be nice to always have the perfect life, the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect everything.  We cannot always jump from where we are now to that perfect place.  If you are the janitor, chances are you cannot expect to be the CEO next week.  If you currently live in a tiny bedroom rented off someone else, you probably cannot expect to purchase a McMansion by the ocean as your first house.  It is necessary to recognize that settling for less than perfect now might give you a step in the right direction to get you closer to that magical endpoint.  I personally would love to own a single family home with a good chunk of land somewhere away from the Northern Virginia traffic.  It really is not feasible right now.  Those houses are way more than I can afford anywhere remotely close to where I work.  So instead, I bought a three bedroom townhouse with an itsy bitsy yard.  I may not be living where I want right now, but I am slowly building equity knowing that down the road that can be rolled into something bigger and better.  It is OK to accept less than perfection, especially if it is better than what you have right now.

Define success in your own terms.  Last but not least, define success on your own terms.  I feel like I see so many people competing in their lives.  Everyone is shouting “see what I bought, see what I did, see where I went” trying to top each other’s experiences.  If you truly want these same things, then keep working toward them.  However, it is acceptable to step away from that all and invest your time, money, and effort into other things that will be more satisfying.  I constantly have to tell people who try to push me to keep climbing the corporate ladder that it is not what I want.  Many people love the idea of being in charge of it all, but not me.  I do not want the responsibility or the time commitment that comes with that type of role.  I understand that I may make less by remaining in lower level management or transitioning back to analytical roles or by changing to an academic path, but the money does not mean as much to me as finding something that makes me feel good about what I am doing and does not stress me out.  If you are happy being a poor, struggling artist, then do not let anyone tell you that it is not a worthy life to live.  If you want to be rich even if it means 80 hours of work a week, then do it.  It ties back to being honest about where you are, what you want, and what choices/steps do you have to make to get there.  Your life is not wasted if you supported yourself doing what you wanted and were satisfied with the results.

While I started this little talk by singling out Millennials, it really applies to everyone.  Life is unfair.  Get over it.  Instead take responsibility for yourself, decide what you want, what is actually possible, and do the work to get yourself there.  I do not think everyone can be anything they want to be.  I do however think that everyone can make themselves better than they are, if they are realistic about how the world works.

See you next week!